Tag Archives: relationships

Apr29

Him and Me and You and Her – And that might be okay.

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Him and Me and You and Her – And that might be okay.

So I’m not sure that men and women are meant to be monogamous.

What I mean is that I’m not entirely sure that’s the way we’re designed to be, nor am I sure it’s the most productive relationship structure for our day and time.

(Before I go into my reasoning here, understand that I’m not out to change anyone’s mind on the subject and I’m not really trying to argue about it either, though I don’t mind discussion. I like to think that I’m able to challenge my own conventional wisdom and that’s really the only thing I ever hope to do. Everyone has to find their own truth in the world. I’m just trying to formulate mine. It might change, so chill out and take it for what it is. )

In the animal world, very few mammals are truly monogamous, that is to say they only mate with one partner for the whole of their lives. There are many that mate with several other animals for a variety of reasons which include security and natural instinct. We like to think we’re so different from animals, but in many ways, we aren’t. Our natural desires can and often do lead us to become attached, emotionally and sometimes physically, to more than one person in the span of our lives. Because we’re dynamic individuals, we change and our needs change. It might not be reasonable to expect one person to fulfill our needs from the time we meet them until we die. We should also consider that we might not be everything all the time to them. We can accept that people are dynamic individuals that grow and change, but oddly, we expect our relationships to remain static and then we wonder why they aren’t working out. We say things like, “It’s natural to look. It’s even natural to flirt” and many of us can accept that about our partners, but feel as though it’s unnatural to act. In nature, they’re usually one and the same.

It’s become a forgone conclusion that some people are just going to get divorced. Instead of seeing marriage as a commitment that is perhaps mutable, we often view it as disposable. Oftentimes it’s not that the couple doesn’t love each other anymore. Maybe their interests and desires changed and their partner’s didn’t or they just found someone else to love too.  Perhaps this why you sometimes see people marry, divorce and remarry the same person. Because monogamy limits what you can do as far as seeking attention, affection and companionship from other people, divorce is often the only option. But divorce is a severing of bonds and too often the devastation of a family. If we viewed relationships as dynamic, there wouldn’t be as much of a need to sever bonds, but there would be an opportunity to loosen the ropes.

I wrote before about how if something has legs, it can walk. We don’t own anything or anyone. Every day, your partner makes a choice to be with you. Some people say marriage makes it a mandate and that’s why they avoid getting married. They want to make the choice to stay every day. But I say it doesn’t matter. Ask a married person who’s husband or wife went out for cigarettes and never came home – even married people have a choice. However, the idea of monogamy, the way that we often practice it, assumes a type of ownership – a possessiveness if you will. Because we see our partner as our property, it’s hard to think about someone else having what’s ours, or even that they have a choice in where they want to be. But we have so many different qualities as people that are attractive and attracting, that I’m not sure we can look at it that way.

If we were truly meant to be monogamous, I’m not sure we could love another person after we’d met the one for us. But clearly, we can. Some people fall in love 3 or 4 times in a lifetime. What makes you think it’s unlikely it will happen while a person is already in a relationship? While it’s true that some people fall out of love too, most people have someone they will always love. What if you could be in a relationship with that person, but still experience love and closeness and companionship with another person?

I’m not suggesting that people go around cheating. That’s not honest and loving relationships are built on honesty and trust. I’m suggesting that instead of making it a capital offense that your husband has an “office wife”, maybe you can respect that relationship and allow it to grow. On the same line, a husband could respect and allow a woman to have a male companion that meets needs that he might not at that time. It doesn’t mean the two don’t love each other, it’s just that you need different things at different times and different people can provide that.

People generally refer to this as polyamory or polygamy, if you’re married. It differs from polygyny and polyandry in that both the man and the woman in the relationship can exercise the option to have a relationship with other people.  I think that’s important to note, because while some people tout polygyny as the answer to the single woman/ single motherhood problems of the world, I think women are just as apt to need more that one relationship to fulfill them as men are. I think that different models would work for different relationships and different times in life. While I might not be interested in maintaining two relationships myself while I have young children, having a co-wife around might relieve some of my stress because my husband wouldn’t have to depend solely on me for the things he needs while I’m also caring for children. On the same token, I might just need someone else to lean on if my husband is putting a lot into providing for our family, but doesn’t have the time I’d desire to spend with me.

I don’t think it is for everyone. I think that many, if not most, people are going to be happy with one person forever, the end. But I also know that there are a great number of people who aren’t necessarily  happy, so they go out and lie and cheat and mislead their partner, a person who they love, because there isn’t an acceptable way to express the desire to be wanted or needed by other people. I don’t believe anyone really wants to hurt the people they truly love, but I also think that people shouldn’t be boxed into a relationship that they don’t want to discard, but that they need to supplement, without a reasonable, mutually agreed upon way to do so.

Marriage as a culmination to a romantic life is almost an American idea. In many parts of the world, a marriage seen as more of a stop along the journey. In fact,  Murdock’s Ethnographic  Atlas supports that of 1231 societies in the world, a whopping 588 practiced polygamy regularly with another 486 practicing a more occasional form of polygamy or polyamory. I’m not saying they’re right and we’re wrong, I’m just saying that it makes me think that maybe we’re missing something.

Now, I know it seems like I can say all this because I’m so very single and perhaps I just haven’t met the one person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Maybe. But I also am willing to admit that I’ve been in love with more than one person at a time. Just like I love both peanut butter cookies and chocolate chip cookies, I loved them both. There were different things about them that I loved and still love. It would be nice to have both in my life. I’m a Scorpio, I have to fight possessive urges, but I think I’d be able to do it if there were a mutual understanding and a solid relationship to begin with. I guess, to me, that’s the key. If someone is really “yours” ( and I use that term with so much caution) they will return home to you strengthened and renewed to love you more. And if you really belong to them, you’ll do the same. You can’t get to this point without a very solid relationship and that might take a long time. But when you get there, I don’t see a real reason that you can’t enjoy time with other people.

____________________________________________________________________________________

I’d be remiss not to mention Kenya K. Steven’s Jujumamablog:  www.jujumamablog.com Kenya and her husband have a fascinating story and it helped me solidify some of the ideas I was already working on.

Ethnographic Atlas Codes – http://eclectic.ss.uci.edu/~drwhite/worldcul/Codebook4EthnoAtlas.pdf

Deflating the Myth of Monogamy -http://www.trinity.edu/rnadeau/fys/barash%20on%20monogamy.htm

Nov9

Love Thang…

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Love Thang…

LoveThang – Brittany Bosco – http://brittanybosco.bandcamp.com

You and I have bad news for one another.


To think that I’m not going to be with you forever is sad. I don’t know how to express that to myself, but this seems the best way. Our time together has ended and now it’s all staring at the walls on either sides of the bed and waiting to see who’ll move first. Literally and emotionally.


Oh, Gladys. You’re so right.


We keep holding on to hang on. Is that the way to live? Maybe it’s just me. It’s probably just me. See, I’m different than you. I’m in love with you. That’s the way I try to rationalize my own feelings. You can’t understand because you don’t really love me. It’s a lie though. I can’t be a martyr in this situation. You love me too and we’re both dying. We have made a hobby of protracting the pain of letting one another go. As much as we’d like to be done with each other, familiarity and loneliness draw us in. And we’re back to back in bed once more, wondering how we got here again, but comforted by the fact that we are indeed here again.


I didn’t think it would be like this. I love you, so maybe I just assumed it would work itself out. But I’m getting older. I want things you don’t want. And you were honest. You said honestly that you didn’t think you ever would. But I’m comfortable. Like an old pair of underwear with a hole. You know you should do something better, but these are already broken in. We have broken each other in. I’m guilty too. I could go find someone I don’t know. Someone who might learn me and my ways, but I already know you. The thing is, I also know you don’t want to learn me or my ways. We keep each other at a safe distance, divulging as much as we think the other needs to know. I think you need to know that I love you and you think I need to know your favorite song. There is no blame in this; I knew what it was.


The Dramatics were right too, I guess.


This can’t go on. I’ve changed and you’ve changed. You don’t even look at me the same anymore. I am, in many ways, sweeter than ever. Your body lets me know this, but you look at me like a stranger. And I’m starting to wonder who you are too. There will never be room in your world for me. Not at night. Not in the morning. Not in the afternoon. It’s novelty though, rolling around like we did when we were young and this was new. As soon as I hug you goodbye, I remember. We’re not young anymore and what we do isn’t real anymore. We can change positions all we want, it’s not changing a thing. We’re still on opposite sides of a chasm.


I run the risk of sounding angry when I’m not. I used to be. But, years ago, when I couldn’t figure out which one of us I was upset with, I let it go. Now, I’m just trying to find a way out my heart’s maze. It should be easy; you’re there and I’m here. It’s not like we have to be together. We don’t have any children linking us. I want something else for myself, but when I see what’s out there, I’m discouraged. I push you away and come running back when my heart starts to ache. You push me away, but you come back too. How can we be friends but not lovers when I’m always going to love you? That’s my riddle. I guess you’ll have to figure out your own.


Habari Gani?


We’re not going to see each other again, not like this. That’s the news. I knew it while laying on my stomach and staring into the late afternoon. Now we can say we’ve done it all and seen it all. I expect to find out something earth shattering soon. You’re expecting a baby or getting married. Or maybe you’re just sick of me. And I may just be sick of you. That is the bad news. We have become two people who don’t need each other anymore. Or maybe, that’s the good news.


Love you, I do. Every night, I try to forget.

Oct8

All we need is us…

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All we need is us…
Kelly Love Jones – For You
(made me go dig this post out of a notebook)

I went to a wedding recently. It was very nice. The bride was stunning and the groom was handsome. It was everything you’d want from a wedding. And I’m sure it almost drove the two of them crazy.


I’m starting to think I don’t need that. I’m starting to think I don’t need any of that at all. Frayed nerves, sore tempers, hectic scheduling, grueling to do list. I know it was worth it to them after the fact and I think people should celebrate however they want to – no hate from me, I’m happy to be a party to that joy. I’m just not sure I need that in my life.


I used to want a lot of things I don’t really think I want anymore. I used to want a stunning engagement ring. But I realized I don’t really wear jewelry, so I probably wouldn’t appreciate it. I think I’d rather a simple band. I never wanted an especially fancy dress, but I did want engraved invitations. Real engraved invitations. But then I thought about how they’re just going to end up in a drawer somewhere anyway, so that wasn’t important. I was looking forward to registering at all my favorite stores, but then I realized that I’ve been living alone for the majority of the last decade and I have all the stuff anyone could ever want. Pots, pans, sheets, towels? Got em. Crockpot? I have 2. And 3 cutting boards. And some very expensive knives. I really don’t have a need for wedding loot.


So, what do I really want? That’s simple. All I need is me, Mister, God and a place to sit.


I’ve come to realize that when the time comes for me to make a commitment to the man that the Creator has made for me, the only people that actually need to be there are myself, that man and God. And since God is everywhere at all times, there’s always availability. If we decide to meet up at the park or the coffee shop or the bus station and become man and wife, it’s pretty much done. We go on from that point being what we are. Maybe that’s not ‘legal’ but the way I see it, if we make a commitment before God, it is what it is. We can go make it legal at the courthouse, but it doesn’t make us any more married. It just means other people agree that we are married. And there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s useful in a lot of ways. But in just as many ways, it doesn’t matter at all.


Our ancestors, our elders didn’t go through all these changes to become man and wife and those unions, those bonds of love lasted through joyful times and tremendous adversity. There was a time when being “legally” married wasn’t even an option for our elders. But they made the commitment to each other and to God. Ask someone who’s been married 30, 40, 50 years about their wedding. There was no junior bridesmaid. There was no ice sculpture at the reception. There was no stretch Hummer to whisk them away. The thing they did have was a commitment to loving one another, which they made before the Almighty. Maybe there was some cake and punch afterward, but it wasn’t the important thing. What was important was each other.


Don’t get me wrong: I think it would be fun to be princess for a day at my wedding. But the older I get, it’s not as important to me anymore. The way I see, we can get married in the back yard, just the two of us, have a little rainbow sherbet afterward and call it a night. I’m most interested in being my King’s Queen for the rest of our lives.




Sep16

Barack Obama is NOT your husband.

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Barack Obama is NOT your husband.
Bet YOU would have gotten YOUR man some new shoes. Girl, too bad this isn’t YOUR man.
It happened again. If you want to be starting something, question President Obama around a Black woman. And then duck. No, you’d probably better run.

I saw this coming. Those poster collages in your cubicles. The starry eyed expressions whenever he was on television. The sweaty palms when he was in your town. Don’t let a sister have gone to the actual venue he was at – she’s probably still on a chocolate high and showing people grainy pictures from her camera phone a whole year later. This crush has gotten out of control.

I like him too. He seems like a nice guy and I think he was the right choice. But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to agree with everything he says or does. Recently, I’ve had conversations with other women about how the President’s term has gone so far. I must admit, I’ve had some reservations about some of the things President Obama has done and hasn’t done. I thought that was allowed. I was so wrong. Expressions started to change. Brows became furrowed. Eyes started rolling. I wondered what I’d done or said that was so wrong. Then it hit me:

I was talking about their man.

Now, I know everyone was digging the promise of change and the audacity of YES WE CAN and everything else that came with the Obama campaign. But on a deeper level, Barack Obama is the man that so many Black women have been waiting for. He’s smart and well educated, seemingly down to earth, funny, attractive, a family man. Just the thing we’ve been looking for – and not finding-at the club on a Saturday night. So we took him close to our hearts. He became our man. And talking about our man is a definite no-no. Our gut reaction is blind defense.

Women in general, but black women especially, are fiercely loyal. If we love you, you’d better get used to it, cause we’re not going anywhere. And we’re always ready to defend our man, whether he’s right or wrong and whether we know all the facts or not. It’s a somewhat admirable trait, when it is your man in question. But Barack Obama is not your man. He’s the President of the United States.

The President has to stand on his own. The same measure I’d use for George Bush or Bill Clinton, I have to use for Barack Obama. Yeah, I understand he’s inherited a mess. That really sucks. Now, he has to make the decisions necessary to begin to get us out of this mess, to change how the world sees our country and to make it better for our kids. That means some tough, unpopular choices. I do question the President’s audacity when it comes to that. He’s always played it near the middle, trying to please everyone in the name of unity. I get that, I really do. But nothing happens in the middle. The middle is the status quo and that’s what we’re trying to get away from. So when the pressure is on, I need President Obama not to fold. Or be everyone’s friend. Or keep quiet. It’s not time for that.

Think about your own man for a minute, or at least the one you used to have (I’m not hating, I fall in the latter category.) Could he take you seriously if you agreed with everything he said? I mean, he might have enjoyed it for a while, but could he take it seriously? Or did he appreciate that you, respectfully, called him to the carpet if he was wrong? Not nag him or fight about it, but expect that he made the decisions that were best for your family or your relationship. If Obama was really your man, would you not question his choices sometimes? I can’t imagine he’d have much respect for a woman who didn’t. And I’m sure that his own wife, at times, does.

It’s okay to be in the President’s corner. And it’s okay, to a certain degree, to defend him against lies, misrepresentations and other bits of slander that may be flying his way. But it’s also okay to dialogue about what’s going right and what’s going wrong, because everything isn’t going right. You really don’t have to take it personally when people bring it up the sticky issues regarding Barack Obama and his presidency, because that’s Michelle Obama’s job and I’m sure she does it beautifully.

Sep1

Cram to Understand You…

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Cram to Understand You…

Ju-Just like a test, I cram to understand you.

People aren’t always going to understand you.

We spend a lot of time trying to make people understand us, though. Dream our dreams. Think our thoughts. See our vision. Sometimes others can get an idea about where you’re going. But often they won’t get it at all. They’ll shake their heads and smile blankly. And you know they don’t get it. So you’ll try to explain again. And again. And again.

Stop it.

Don’t stop believing in your vision, but stop trying to explain it to everyone. Because everyone’s not ready for what you’re about to do. The cold, hard fact is that some people couldn’t see your gift if you wrapped it in a box and put a big, red bow on it. It’s not always because they’re trying to be difficult. They’re just not ready. You can’t make them see it right now. Some people can see it and will act like they can’t because they wish they’d thought of it. You’re just making yourself frustrated – quit trying to make everyone a disciple and just go do it.

It’s comforting for people to tell us that they understand what we’re thinking because – in our minds – it means that we must not be crazy. We get scared when other people can’t grasp what we’re trying to do. But fear can be a powerful motivator. When you’re the only one who can make your ideas come to life, you cannot afford to lose. So you don’t. You surround yourself with people who can either ‘get it’ or can live with the fact that they don’t ‘get it’, but support you anyhow. And you launch your ideas into the stratosphere.

Your dreams are your own. Maybe they’re too big for others to imagine right now, but it costs the same to dream big as it does to dream small, so you might as well get the most bang for your buck. When it’s done, when the plans are perfected, when the world can finally see your vision come to life, it will be worth no one understanding right now. You might wish people could recognize all along how important it was or what a great idea you had, but in the end all that matters is that people receive it. And if it’s your gift, your true gift, people will have to receive it. It won’t be up to them. The Divine will make sure of it.

Aug18

On being true to yourself…

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On being true to yourself…

Hey! There you are! I missed you!

Last summer, after a few years of being natural (and after a few months of an unintentionally low fade), I relaxed my hair. No one made me do it, I did it myself. I could chalk the decision up to being bored, but that really wasn’t it. No, I relaxed my hair because I didn’t think anyone would find me attractive with it natural. I hated that reason too; it sounded so vain. Who cares what people think, right? But it was definitely the truth. I convinced myself (my grandma helped!) I’d never meet anyone with a head full of naps and while it was a fun experiment, I’d better get back to some Optimum Care sooner than later.

Except, when I looked in the mirror after I’d done it, I didn’t feel like myself anymore. My hair was cute: short, silky, jet black. Just like it was when I headed off to college. It did look nice, I must admit. But I didn’t look or feel like myself. That was the old KaLeah staring back at me. I knew it wasn’t who I was anymore before I did it, but I thought that feeling would pass. It didn’t. I did go on a couple more dates. But they weren’t with anyone worth feeling altering my appearance for. The fact of the matter was that I woke up in the morning feeling like a phony. Not because of my relaxed hair, but because of why I’d relaxed my hair. Pretty soon, I was growing it out again.

Listen, this isn’t a post about why natural hair is better than relaxed hair. I don’t think that’s true anyway. I think the best hair for you is the hair you’re most comfortable with, whatever that is. (That choice is so personal. I hate it when people rail on and on about one being better than the other.) What this is about is being true to yourself and not making decisions based on how you think people will perceive you. When I look at pictures of my hair from 2 years ago, I can’t believe I cut all that cottony, nappy, fun to play with (yess!) hair off and relaxed it. And I can’t believe I let myself get caught up in what I thought people would think if I didn’t. At the end of the day, you have to do what’s right for you. Whatever that is. It’s true with most things in your life. That’s the moral of this story.

My grandma loves me to death and she doesn’t really like my hair, but in the end, she told me that you just have to be happy however you can. She’s 81; she ought to know. But I know, in her heart, she’s holding out for me to at least try a press and curl!


Aug3

Jump with both feet…

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Jump with both feet…

The video I really wanted couldn’t be embedded. (Jaguar Wright – The What Ifs)

But this will work. Just don’t take it too literally. No hidden messages – I send mine direct.

Recently, I did something I never thought I’d do. What it was isn’t important, but suffice to say, it was a big deal to me. I stepped out of my comfort zone and thought I was really making some big waves.

Let’s just say I barely made a ripple.

Sometimes you just have to do it – step out and see what happens. Maybe it will work and things will be all good. Maybe it won’t and you’ll be at home watching ‘Hitch’, wondering if you made a mistake. (Ahem.) But at the end of the day, you can’t always live your life safe. If you do, you’ll always wonder. What if I’d done that? What if I’d said it? What could have happened?

I would’ve wondered. That was the risk I couldn’t take.

When you’re ready to accept whatever happens afterwards, it’s time to jump and see where you land. It might be on your feet. Might be on your behind. But you’ll never know if you don’t give it a try. This life is only going to be what you make it. And sometimes you have to make it interesting.

Jul26

Computer Love

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Computer Love

“I wanna love you, Baybay!”

Sip a cognac, it’s the extended version.

I thought technology was supposed to make life easier.

Anyone who knows me knows I love my gadgets. I have three computers which I now call miss small, miss medium and miss large. I’m a smartphone carrying, facebooking, texting, tweeting, blogging, emailing cutie. But the collision of technology and romance has me a little…confused.

I guess it’s because I’m having to learn this whole new set of rules. Suddenly, picking up the phone and calling seems so monumentally intrusive, even though it worked just fine before there was something else to do. So I’m staring at a phone number that I’m too chicken to call. Because what if he answers? What do I say then? What if he doesn’t answer? How do I feel then? I hide behind text messages that may or may not make an appearance on my intended’s phone. It gives me a chance to think it out first. To me, text messages are the disposable currency of the modern relationship. You send me a few SMS sweet nothings and maybe we’re getting somewhere. Withhold and I’m sure you’re not into me. When I want to forget this whole thing happened, I delete them. Unlike love letters , a text takes no effort to dispose of. You can do it in bed or on the toilet or at a traffic light – whenever “I’m sick of this mess.” hits you. And it will hit you. I mean, how am I supposed to feel when my well thought out (during commercial breaks) 160 character missives go unanswered? I feel like he pretty much circled “no.”

Then there’s Facebook to contend with. What if he gives me action there, but he doesn’t really call? Is that serious or not? What if we were to tweet on Twitter with intensity? How do you know when you’re making progress or when you’re just treading water when it feels like you could be doing both simultaneously? Making connections in this technological space isn’t ridiculous to me. But sometimes making the leap from the virtual to the reality is more than I can take seriously.

10 years ago, I didn’t have all these questions. This stuff didn’t exist for me to get all confused about. He called or he didn’t. There weren’t all these options, these ways to know about me without really knowing me. But without all these newfangled things, the reality is that I wouldn’t even be musing about the particular someone who’s on my mind. All this technology introduced us and helped us make acquaintance, but now I’m wondering if that’s as far as it can take us. Essentially, I had the very same question for the guy in my world back before all this cool stuff came along that I have for the guy I’m thinking of now: Dude, do you like me or not? Because I kinda sorta like you.

Text ‘yes’ or ‘no’. You know the number.

Jul22

As Is – No Warranty

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As Is – No Warranty


A lot of relationships, especially the ones that don’t seem to work, are born of images. Essentially, an image is a representation of what actually exists. That doesn’t sound like a bad thing, until you consider what people have done with images since the beginning of image making. We make things look good. Think of the statues, early artwork, paintings and drawings you’ve seen. To the best of the artist’s ability, they bring out the beauty in the subject. You don’t see hairy moles or liver splashes or things that might be a blemish, even in early art. When we create an image, we make it the best it can be – even if, at times, that means making it something it isn’t.

In relationships, often we see who we want to see, as opposed to who a person really is. Mentally and emotionally, we create the image we’d like to have by our side. Some of us have Photoshop of the mind – we make them someone entirely different. Rose colored glasses, I think they call it. And while I’m all for positive thinking, playing make believe with your heart really can waste a lot of time and energy – things most of us are running low on.

Sometimes we construct those images subconsciously. Actually, I don’t know anyone who consciously sets out to create an image, false or otherwise, of the person they’re involved with. It just happens. He opens the door for you and he’s such a gentleman. She straightens your tie and she’s so caring. It doesn’t mean that there isn’t truth to the image, there is a measure of truth in everything. But when he lets the door slam in your face the other 100 times, he might not be such a gentleman after all. When she kisses you goodbye on the day of the big presentation knowing good and well that you look like Bozo the clown, she might not care that much anymore. We don’t change our images though. We don’t retouch once we’re done. We hold on to bits and pieces to try and construct an acceptable image of who we’re with. However, if that’s not who you’re really in a relationship with, what’s the point?

If you’re grown and the person you love is grown, you need to understand something. They can scoot left a little. They can scoot right a little. They can learn and grow a whole lot. They could do a lot of things, but maybe they won’t. You know how you buy things sometimes and they’re marked ‘As Is’? That means you can’t ask for another button or the belt that’s missing or anything else. Essentially, what you see is what you get. That’s how people are – ‘As Is’. The sooner you can accept that, the better off you are. If you can’t accept who the person you’re with is and what their situations are right now today, you need to keep it moving. They might become what you want later on, but that’s a big if. You can’t make it happen and you’ll make yourself and the other person miserable trying.

Jul9

Women vs. Girls

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Women vs. Girls



Why Foxy Brown? Because she’s brown sugar and spice, but if you don’t treat her nice, she’ll put you on ice!!

I’m a woman. This came to me rather suddenly not too long ago. I’ve been a female all my life, so it wasn’t a shock that I was indeed a woman. But it’s not a forgone conclusion, you know. There are lots of fully grown girls out there. Lots of 20, 30, 40 and 50 year old girls roam the world daily.Here’s how I figured it out: I looked around.

Women do lots of things girls don’t even think about. Like know when to talk and when to be quiet. Women don’t tell all their business. They know how to hold some things back. Sometimes it’s better to keep it to yourself, even when it’s difficult. Women aren’t all about the show. Girls like everyone to know what they’re up to.
Women understand that everything isn’t always going to go their way. This is life, not Grimm Brothers. Women don’t throw temper tantrums, real or fake. But women don’t hide how they feel either. Girls like to make a scene. It’s the easy way to get noticed. Women talk it out. It’s the best way to get results.
Women aren’t interested in what a man has. Some people will disagree with me here and that’s fine. This is my opinion. Women aren’t interested in what a man has, but they are interested in who a man is. What he stands for. What he believes in. Where his heart is. Women don’t hold the past over a man and expect the past not to be held over her. We’ve all lived to see another day. A woman can take on a difficult situation in a relationship, and make it work. If he’s worth it, a woman can work it out to the benefit of all parties – kids included. A girl will expect a man to make things work for her benefit.
Women aren’t looking for handouts. Women can pay bills and take care of themselves, but know how to let themselves be taken care of. Girls sometimes fall on one end or the other – can’t take care of themselves or won’t let themselves be taken care of. I think both are tragic. Women know that sometimes you have to be superwoman, but when help arrives, it’s okay to take your cape off. Women find pride in taking care of their families and don’t find it demeaning to do so. You’d be surprised how many girls think it’s beneath them to cook and clean, as though we don’t come from a tradition of taking care of our families. Hmm…
A woman is a teacher, not necessarily by trade but because that’s what she does. That’s her nature. A woman teaches girls how to be a woman and teaches boys how to treat women. She teaches by her actions, her humility, her intelligence and her grace. She usually doesn’t have to say a word, but if she needs to say something to guide in the right direction, she will.
All females are supposed to be girls, for a while. Just like all males begin as boys. That’s the way life is intended. You go through that stage and, hopefully, move on. Men sometimes get confused about girls and women. It’s hard, we often look similar. You can’t go on looks when you’re seeking a woman. You might get hoodwinked – many men have. Some men keep getting hoodwinked over and over. When you’re dealing with a girl, don’t expect her to act like a woman. Don’t be surprised when she acts like a girl. You have to do your due diligence.
These are just my thoughts.