Tag Archives: all about you

Jul10

Warrior

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Warrior

Etana – Warrior Love (not so on topic, but I love this song.)

I’m a woman. But I’m also a warrior. And if you’re smart, you’ll become a warrior too.

This life is lots of things. Ups, downs, highs and lows. We’re faced with all this…let’s call it stuff. Sometimes we step in it and sometimes we get pushed in it and sometimes we let ourselves be dragged into it, but at the end of the day we’re in it. And it stinks. You’d be surprised how many people lay down and take whatever comes their way. We complain about our condition, but don’t do anything to improve it. We complain about how people treat us, but then go right back into the same situation. We complain about our communities, but then go somewhere else to spend our money and improve life. We allow people to kill our dreams, suck the life out of our goals and drown our spirits. I’m guilty of it too at times, so I’m not judging. These are just observations.

So what, then, is the answer?

Take care of yourself. That’s not always easy, but it’s necessary. You take time for yourself, your interests, your thoughts, the things you care about. You can’t run on an empty battery. The things that are so pressing will be there. I know that sounds easy for me to say with no husband and no kids to worry about. But I know for a fact if you work yourself sick, you can’t take care of anyone else. So you have to preserve. Preserve your emotions. Stand up for your feelings and your heart. That takes courage, but courage is free. You can afford it; even in a recession.

Take care of your children. If you don’t have any children, find some. If you’re grown, you have some kids you can attend to – maybe you just haven’t found them yet. Anyway you slice it, kids are all we really have as hope. When we neglect children and their needs – emotionally, physically and intellectually – we’re selling our culture and future short. Listen to them, because they’re talking to you. Teach them how to be a better person than you are. That’s my personal goal. I guess, I turned out okay. I’m decent and smart, I think. But what I want is to help turn out someone better than myself.

Take care of your community. Find ways to stimulate growth where you live. That means spend your money there. Or find small businesses and give them a chance. Take an interest in the politics and the issues that effect the people around you. And when you get interested, take some action. Write some letters. Go visit some people and light into them, if needed (in love!). In every walk of life, there’s a way to get involved, whether it has to do with policy or procedure. If nothing else, make sure that you do the very best you can by the people around you.

I don’t think there is anything to be gained by being meek about what we need to do. If we are, we’ll insure that it won’t get done. So in a lot of ways, we do have to be warriors for the things that matter. The time for waiting around for other people to take care of us isn’t over – it never was. No religion, no belief system I’ve found admonishes one to sit on their laurels, do absolutely nothing and wait for something great to happen. (Feel free to let me know if you find something else.) Believe in the Creator and trust that your needs will be fulfilled, but use that faith to power your works – internally and externally.

Jul9

Women vs. Girls

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Women vs. Girls



Why Foxy Brown? Because she’s brown sugar and spice, but if you don’t treat her nice, she’ll put you on ice!!

I’m a woman. This came to me rather suddenly not too long ago. I’ve been a female all my life, so it wasn’t a shock that I was indeed a woman. But it’s not a forgone conclusion, you know. There are lots of fully grown girls out there. Lots of 20, 30, 40 and 50 year old girls roam the world daily.Here’s how I figured it out: I looked around.

Women do lots of things girls don’t even think about. Like know when to talk and when to be quiet. Women don’t tell all their business. They know how to hold some things back. Sometimes it’s better to keep it to yourself, even when it’s difficult. Women aren’t all about the show. Girls like everyone to know what they’re up to.
Women understand that everything isn’t always going to go their way. This is life, not Grimm Brothers. Women don’t throw temper tantrums, real or fake. But women don’t hide how they feel either. Girls like to make a scene. It’s the easy way to get noticed. Women talk it out. It’s the best way to get results.
Women aren’t interested in what a man has. Some people will disagree with me here and that’s fine. This is my opinion. Women aren’t interested in what a man has, but they are interested in who a man is. What he stands for. What he believes in. Where his heart is. Women don’t hold the past over a man and expect the past not to be held over her. We’ve all lived to see another day. A woman can take on a difficult situation in a relationship, and make it work. If he’s worth it, a woman can work it out to the benefit of all parties – kids included. A girl will expect a man to make things work for her benefit.
Women aren’t looking for handouts. Women can pay bills and take care of themselves, but know how to let themselves be taken care of. Girls sometimes fall on one end or the other – can’t take care of themselves or won’t let themselves be taken care of. I think both are tragic. Women know that sometimes you have to be superwoman, but when help arrives, it’s okay to take your cape off. Women find pride in taking care of their families and don’t find it demeaning to do so. You’d be surprised how many girls think it’s beneath them to cook and clean, as though we don’t come from a tradition of taking care of our families. Hmm…
A woman is a teacher, not necessarily by trade but because that’s what she does. That’s her nature. A woman teaches girls how to be a woman and teaches boys how to treat women. She teaches by her actions, her humility, her intelligence and her grace. She usually doesn’t have to say a word, but if she needs to say something to guide in the right direction, she will.
All females are supposed to be girls, for a while. Just like all males begin as boys. That’s the way life is intended. You go through that stage and, hopefully, move on. Men sometimes get confused about girls and women. It’s hard, we often look similar. You can’t go on looks when you’re seeking a woman. You might get hoodwinked – many men have. Some men keep getting hoodwinked over and over. When you’re dealing with a girl, don’t expect her to act like a woman. Don’t be surprised when she acts like a girl. You have to do your due diligence.
These are just my thoughts.
Jun22

Getting in the way…

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Getting in the way…

Yeah, I know. I’ve been there too. But you mature out of it.

Let me just say this. People are hilarious. Myself included. I wonder sometimes if the ancestors are looking at us like it’s a sitcom, because we can be pure comedy at times.

We’re territorial. That’s just how we are. And to me, this is the source of a lot of the comedic hijinks. We want what’s ours or what we perceive as ours. Doesn’t matter if it’s a pair of shoes, a piece of corner, recognition for an idea, or another person. If we think it belongs to us or we’d like to have it, we will go to great lengths to get it.

Some things you can own. People are not one of them. I don’t care if you mark them with a tattoo, brand them or pee around them, you can’t mark your territory when it comes to another person. We all belong to the Creator. Nobody is yours, you can’t really own other people. (They have a name for that, it’s called slavery. But even then, a mind and a soul can’t be bought and sold.) We try to do it all the time though. I saw a couple in the mall once with shirts that said “He’s with me” and “She’s with me”. That kind of thing confuses me. I guarantee if one of them sees someone else they’d rather be with and they really want to, the shirts would come off. Or at least be inside out. For all the romanticism we conjure up for a wedding ring, at the end of the day we use it as label. “This one belongs to me. See the ring?” I’m not anti-ring. My point is, what are we really saying. Are you any less married without it? Or are we just trying to let the world know that the person in my life is off limits. If the person in your life wants to be in your life, isn’t that enough?

I heard a saying once, “If it has legs, it can walk.” Meaning, if someone wants to get up and leave they can. Or if they want to come to you, they can. You can’t do anything about that. You do the best you can in relationships, or in life for that matter, and you see what happens. I’ll tell you this much, what you have isn’t enough to make them want to be with you. Sorry. Whatever it is, someone else has that too and it’s bigger, better , faster, smarter, stronger and softer than yours. We all have free will and sometimes that’s a sinking feeling. But take heart. When it’s the right time and the right thing, you won’t have to fire off a warning shot when your beloved comes into the room. If they don’t want to be with you, it won’t help anyway. All you’re doing is drawing attention to that good stuff you’re trying so hard to keep. If they’re really “yours”, they aren’t going anywhere.

Jun22

Awareness

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Awareness

The other afternoon, I was at the store and an Outcry from the Barrio guy (If you’re not familiar, google it. I can’t get into that right now.) came up to me and scared the mess out me. All he said was “Ma’am”, but that’s all it takes for me if I’m lost in thought. Knowing this, my step-mom and grandma tell me frequently to always be aware of my surroundings.

If awareness is knowing what’s going on at all times, I’m at times guilty of unawareness. I do alright, but there are so many things to know about. News, not news, causes, issues, plights, new movies. There’s a lot of stuff out there. That said, I know a lot of things. Last night I recalled a song from a zillion years ago on very little description. Title and artist. I know about a lot of things and I know how to find out about a lot of things. So I guess you could say I’m aware. But of what?

As I grow older, the thing I’ve found that the one thing that I need to be most aware of is the thing I know least about: myself. The other day, I discussed finding oneself with a friend and we agreed it’s a journey. A marathon as opposed to a sprint, if you will. And it’s never ending. Who I am is an evolving thing. As time goes on, I become more aware of who I am and what I’m all about. As soon as I figure it out, it changes. But I think the key to it is that I realize that. I’m aware of the fact that I don’t have myself figured out. So I keep trying. It’s a losing battle, but the real work is in the process…

Jun17

The Single Life

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The Single Life

I can’t embed the video, but go watch Larry ‘Nem on Soul Train. Single Ladies, Clap your hands!

This is not a woe is me post, but this is not a being single is kick-ass post either.

The reality is that nothing is all bad and nothing is all good. I enjoy a lot of benefits from being single. I read all night and no one wants me to turn the light off. Same with the TV. As a matter of fact, I get to watch whatever I want. I don’t even know what channel ESPN is. I watch HGTV, Cartoon Network and A&E. No one complains. I eat whatever I want for dinner. Cereal? Cool. Salad? Fine. Veggie Loaf? Excellent. I clean up, but not all the time. I don’t have too much company, so it’s fine. I have a lot of freedom. No one questions me about where I’ve been or what I’ve been doing. I’m thinking of painting my room a nice green. And I don’t care who likes it.

But then again, I don’t have anyone to help me decide on a new light fixture. Or remind me to water the lawn (which I need to do like immediately.) I rarely use the dinner table, for what? I’ve only used one seat anyway. Not that I cook much anyway. I make way too much food and I end up throwing it away. Sometimes it’s kind of quiet. And dating isn’t really fun. My dad does a lot of stuff a boyfriend or husband might do: light the pilot on the water heater, change the a/c filter (Mine is on the ceiling. It’s up really high.), answer my questions about car stuff and house stuff. I kinda wish he didn’t have to do all that, but he does.
It’s cool. I won’t be single forever…I hope. But while I am, it’s not that bad. Here’s my point. I used to get all hung up on how this wasn’t what I’d planned for my life. But my plans don’t count. Never have. I’m not in charge here. The sooner you figure that out, the happier you are. Being able to accept what is reality, what the here and how really is, is essence of life in a lot of ways. It’s not a bad thing or a good thing. Things just are. Our reactions are what make us feel the way we feel and we have to accept that.
Jun4

Down, but not out.

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Down, but not out.
Cry baby cry by tostadophoto.com.
photo credit: tostadophoto.com

I’m disappointed. I’m very close to achieving a goal of mine, but I just got hit with a massive roadblock. It makes me wonder if I did everything I could, even though it’s a moot point now. It’s out of my hands. I wrote a letter of appeal to the appropriate person and now I let the Most High handle it. I’m going to be content with whatever happens, because that was what was meant to be. Whatever happens was the plan all along, not whatever I think. I’m not in charge.

It’s not about me. Never has been. Never will be. Ultimately, my talents and gifts will be used to serve somewhere. I just don’t know where yet. Maybe it’s right here. Or maybe not. Maybe I’m already doing what I’m supposed to do. Maybe I’m supposed to do it somewhere else. Whatever the outcome, I’m going to use this as an opportunity to give some thought to my purpose, slow down and appreciate life. It’s going to be fine. It’s always been fine and it will be fine again.
I hope this helps you too.
May22

About Sacrifice…

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About Sacrifice…
Yesterday, I go to the bookstore aka “where I trick off all my money” and I decide to pick up No Woman No Cry: My life with Bob Marley by Rita Marley with Hettie Jones. I also got Catch a Fire by Timothy White. I decided to go with Rita’s story first.

I’m not going to review it. It was good. Sad, but ultimately triumphant. Here’s what it made me think. What is sacrifice? Rita Marley, from my reading of her book, gave up a lot. She held her tongue when she could have said things. She turned a blind eye to many things. I have no judgement to make, but what I can respect is that she did it because she believed in Bob. That people needed his songs and that inspiration. That the good of her family needed to come first. That the good of all his children was important, no matter who their mama was. Difficult decisions…I don’t know what I would have done. Sometimes you have to follow your heart and sometimes that means giving up part of you for what – or who – you believe in. Nowadays, we look at sacrifice as such an ugly word. Who gives up things anymore? If anything, we’re all about getting more. Even in a recession. But it’s not a bad word. Sacrifice opens us up to so many things. It’s like the key to a whole other realm. Less of me and more of others. What I give up, others gain. Stop getting in your own way and let others see the light in you, as opposed to trying to make them see the light on you.