Punkchu8

I need some honest answers and I need them now.

Lately, a lot has been said about the single-ness of Black women. More specifically, young, educated, fairly successful Black women who, while it would seem they are the perfect catch, find themselves alone. Usually, I’m lucky and articles I read and things I see have little or nothing to do with me. Unfortunately, this time I wasn’t so lucky. The woman that was being described, that successful during the day and lonely at night woman, was me.

I talk sometimes about my resume: I’m degreed, I have a good job, a house, a car, I’m smart, I cook. I’m supportive and caring. Independent, unbiased sources have verified that I’m fairly attractive. Whatever. I can reel off about 20 other excellent reasons that I should be someone else’s significant other. I can even come up with some reasons that might disqualify me: I’m a little more round, if you will, than I used to be, living alone has made me a hermit, a lot of Texas guys can’t take natural hair seriously. I’m a realist; I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea.

But, damn, you’d think I’d be someone’s cup of tea.

Somewhere in the middle, there has to be an answer. And I’m kinda close to giving up on the game totally and accepting that some people are just meant to be alone and I’m just one of those people. But before I do, I promised myself I’d give it another chance in 2010. An honest, real, I’m really trying, chance.

(Let me preface this next part: I will never be against another sister. And I know times are hard. I want everyone to find that someone. But I’m sure I’ll be accused of hating anyway.)

Men do a lot of talking about what they want in a woman. And then they do a lot of contradicting themselves. You want Miss Independent, but you hook up with the most dependent woman you can find. You want someone who supports your dreams, but you stay with someone who stifles your creativity and makes you feel like a loser. You want someone with ambition, but you’ll take someone who’s real ambition is for you to make her situation better – the less she spends on rent, the more she can spend on clothes. I know those are gross generalizations, but when I look around, it just seems that women who aren’t trying to do a whole lot with themselves don’t have a problem getting a man. And women who are out there trying to do some things are spending their lives alone.

Now before you say “Maybe your standards are too high” you should know this: that might be the case if I were even meeting men. But I’m not. I’m not even meeting men to turn down anymore. So it’s not that. My standards aren’t a high hurdle, by the way. I have to be reasonable attracted to you and you have to live an honest life. Be able to take care of yourself and your responsibilities in an honest, lawful way. Don’t be a complete idiot. I would like a Black man. That’s about it, I’m flexible on the rest, within reason. No height or salary requirements. And as for me, like I said, I know there’s a little more of me to love lately, but I don’t think that’s it either. When I go to the mall or just out and about, I’m seeing lots of women with a whole, whole, whole lot more to love and they’re not alone.

So what I need to know is what men are really interested in. There are some things I’ll never be. I’ll never be a model. I’ll never be younger. I’ll never be more naïve. But, I imagine (ok, I hope), there are other things men are interested in. I’d like to know what they are, because I’d like to give myself a fighting chance. I want to know what I’m up against. I don’t need to hear about how I need to pray or be patient or anything like that. I need to know what men want. I need some ideas. I’m not promising I’ll be doing a complete rehaul, but I the fact is if I don’t change something, nothing is going to change.

What you got? I’m all ears.