Monthly Archives: October 2009

Oct31

Step away…in the name of love.

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Step away…in the name of love.


There is no way to say this without pissing some people off, so let me just say that if you don’t agree with me, I’m totally cool with that. We can still be friends. It’s nothing personal.

I can’t believe how many people are actually at the R.Kelly concert here in Houston tonight.

No, seriously. I’m real confused by it. Now, I know that he was acquitted of the things he was charged with. But I also saw that tape back in the day. I’m not at all confused about the fact that R.Kelly pissed (among other things) on a little girl and had the unmitigated gall to video tape it. Just as innocent people are sometimes convicted, guilty people sometimes walk free. That’s not fair, but that’s life as it is today. However, there was a time when even if you made your way free through the justice system, our community held you accountable for your actions. And if you disrespected the women, you most certainly had to pay.

Apparently, that time is over because after a few Come to Jesus songs, R.Kelly’s back at the Reliant Stadium. Not a juke joint. Not a small theater. He’s playing at the largest venue in Houston and people are shelling out their hard earned dollars to fund the lifestyle and legal fees of a (highly) suspected pedophile. Maybe that’s harsh. But it would be one thing if this was just an isolated pissing event. We could call it a mistake. Sick and perverted bad judgment. But it wasn’t a one time deal. R. Kelly married an under aged girl and was reportedly involved with other under aged girls as well. This wasn’t a mistake. This was a habit. And habits are hard to break.

I’m not at all suggesting that people don’t change. But what I am suggesting is that without a catalyst to change, people rarely do. What’s the catalyst here? Nothing about R.Kelly’s lifestyle or earning capacity seem to be affected by his past indiscretions. As a matter of fact, people are more excited than ever to go see him do what he does. He didn’t really suffer at the hands of the law either. So what makes anyone think that there would be a real reason to make a change in behavior?

Listen, you like what you like. I don’t really care for his music, but to each his own. My issue is that instead of being outraged that someone who has shown utter disregard for the sanctity of an girl’s adolescence and who has used his celebrity to take advantage of a child has breezed into our town to make a few more dollars, we’re partying and shit like it doesn’t even matter. The only reason it doesn’t matter is because that wasn’t your sister or your daughter or your niece. Because if it were, you and your boys would have stomped him clean into the devil’s lap.

When we adopt the mentality that all of us are apart of one another, the world gets a lot smaller. When I saw that tape, the only thought I had was “That poor child.” My heart died a little, because I realized that dude was sick. A grown woman can agree to be pissed on if she wants. Whatever rocks your boat, mama. But a child should never be in that situation. I knew at that point, it was going to very, very, very difficult to ever take him seriously again. I can’t shake that image. Time hasn’t changed that. We have to forgive. That’s universal law; at some point we all need forgiveness. But we don’t have to forget and condone. When we do, we say it’s okay. And it’s not okay. Would it be okay for a grown man to ride around your neighborhood trolling for girls? What I’m saying is that when we say it’s ok for an R.Kelly to come riding into town singing “12 Play” when you know good and well he’s a likely pedophile, what does that say about how we, as a community, value our girls and women? What does it mean that a girl’s dignity was bought for some sneaker money? What does it mean that it came to that point for her so young? What does it mean that people are readily supporting the man who did it?

He can work. Maybe he can write jingles or something. Write songs, he’s a gifted writer. Be behind the scenes. But he shouldn’t be doing concerts. We shouldn’t support that kind of traveling circus. If anyone ever had me on tape messing with a child, my livelihood would be gone – conviction or not. I’d have to find work in another field and that might not afford me the lifestyle I’m accustomed to. I really don’t see why that doesn’t apply here, especially since working in the field that he works in gives him the advantage – monetarily and influence wise – to perpetrate the offense. Why are we still funding the celebrity that allowed this guy to have the influence he had in the first place? Because he can sing? Lots of people can sing and they don’t piss on kids. Pick one and make him a star. But R.Kelly can go work at Burger King for all I care. Sing at the drive through; they have a mic and everything.

Be pissed off all you want. (Maybe Robert will join you, he’s into pee.) But realize that when you give your money to him, you’re supporting someone who clearly doesn’t respect the girls and the women he so readily sings about romancing. Something about that makes me cringe. It makes me certain our priorities are backwards. How about we throw our support behind someone who celebrates women instead?

Oct17

Join the circus. Or maybe not.

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Join the circus. Or maybe not.

Last night, my homegirls and I were at our old High School’s football game. It was fun and I don’t even like football like that. While we were enjoying the game, we noticed a young sister, maybe 17 with a terrible foul mouth. And not foul like “I’m cursing in conversation with my friends”. She’s standing up, cursing at the wind in commentary about everything from how bad our team was (but she seemed to be for our side and we won by a whole lot) to how bad the cheerleaders and drill team were. Now everyone’s entitled to their own opinion, but there’s a time and place for everything. A crowded stadium full of families isn’t that time or that place. My friend checked her on it, which made her none too happy. We left soon after. I’m sure she thought she ran us off, but we were ready to go.

Once upon a time, I was a teenage girl. It’s a difficult period, whether we grown women want to admit it or not. You’re on the threshold of being a woman or at least you want to believe you are, but you’re not quite there. You’re jockeying for attention from the boys that you claim you’re not into, (Because you like older guys. That’s what’s cool.) You’re trying to define yourself in any way you can.

What do we do to help them figure it out? The girl from last night definitely defined herself. It was obvious to me that she needed some attention. If she was getting positive attention elsewhere, I doubt she’d have been verbally assaulting every extracurricular activity at the school. There’s also a little correction involved. Sometimes I can’t stand my job. Sorry, it’s true. I feel like I’m bogged down with paperwork and data and meetings – all things that I could care less about. But one gift is the chance to pull a young lady to the side and tell her “Look, mama, ladies don’t act like that,” and then help her figure some things out. I feel like that’s more important than any English lesson I’ll teach, because whether they’re fighting or cussing or being the schoolwide joke, it has to do with self worth. I don’t say that to pat myself on the back; I don’t need that at this point in my life. What I’m saying is that kids respond to interaction. Sometimes they’re just looking for someone to pay attention.

At the circus, people pay attention to the lady on the tightrope just like they do the clown. The only difference is that one garners respect and the other gets laughed at. We have to teach girls not to be the clowns. We have to teach boys that too, but in their teenage years, they boys follow the girls lead -to a certain degree. In my classroom experience, if the girls are about business, the boys are too. Why? They want the girls to take them seriously! It’s a cheap trickle down effect, but whatever works. More importantly, they way our children behave and how they feel like they ‘have’ to act is in direct correlation to how they perceive themselves. And perception is directly linked to how others perceive them.

Oct8

All we need is us…

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All we need is us…
Kelly Love Jones – For You
(made me go dig this post out of a notebook)

I went to a wedding recently. It was very nice. The bride was stunning and the groom was handsome. It was everything you’d want from a wedding. And I’m sure it almost drove the two of them crazy.


I’m starting to think I don’t need that. I’m starting to think I don’t need any of that at all. Frayed nerves, sore tempers, hectic scheduling, grueling to do list. I know it was worth it to them after the fact and I think people should celebrate however they want to – no hate from me, I’m happy to be a party to that joy. I’m just not sure I need that in my life.


I used to want a lot of things I don’t really think I want anymore. I used to want a stunning engagement ring. But I realized I don’t really wear jewelry, so I probably wouldn’t appreciate it. I think I’d rather a simple band. I never wanted an especially fancy dress, but I did want engraved invitations. Real engraved invitations. But then I thought about how they’re just going to end up in a drawer somewhere anyway, so that wasn’t important. I was looking forward to registering at all my favorite stores, but then I realized that I’ve been living alone for the majority of the last decade and I have all the stuff anyone could ever want. Pots, pans, sheets, towels? Got em. Crockpot? I have 2. And 3 cutting boards. And some very expensive knives. I really don’t have a need for wedding loot.


So, what do I really want? That’s simple. All I need is me, Mister, God and a place to sit.


I’ve come to realize that when the time comes for me to make a commitment to the man that the Creator has made for me, the only people that actually need to be there are myself, that man and God. And since God is everywhere at all times, there’s always availability. If we decide to meet up at the park or the coffee shop or the bus station and become man and wife, it’s pretty much done. We go on from that point being what we are. Maybe that’s not ‘legal’ but the way I see it, if we make a commitment before God, it is what it is. We can go make it legal at the courthouse, but it doesn’t make us any more married. It just means other people agree that we are married. And there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s useful in a lot of ways. But in just as many ways, it doesn’t matter at all.


Our ancestors, our elders didn’t go through all these changes to become man and wife and those unions, those bonds of love lasted through joyful times and tremendous adversity. There was a time when being “legally” married wasn’t even an option for our elders. But they made the commitment to each other and to God. Ask someone who’s been married 30, 40, 50 years about their wedding. There was no junior bridesmaid. There was no ice sculpture at the reception. There was no stretch Hummer to whisk them away. The thing they did have was a commitment to loving one another, which they made before the Almighty. Maybe there was some cake and punch afterward, but it wasn’t the important thing. What was important was each other.


Don’t get me wrong: I think it would be fun to be princess for a day at my wedding. But the older I get, it’s not as important to me anymore. The way I see, we can get married in the back yard, just the two of us, have a little rainbow sherbet afterward and call it a night. I’m most interested in being my King’s Queen for the rest of our lives.