We are losing our children…

29 09 2009

We are losing our children. They didn’t get lost on their own. They turned down side streets and took back alleys looking for the way home. We weren’t there to turn on the porch light, to let them know we were still there, so now they’re lost. They wander the cruelty of this world, this place we build and abandon daily, searching for home among the monuments to ego we created. Looking for meaning in the things we hold so dear, the things we build for ‘the man’ and turn around and buy from ‘the man’ with money on loan from ‘the man’. It’s not there. Instead of finding that meaning, our children lay wasted and forgotten. The unfulfilled potential withers away in bodies that are stretching, straining, waiting to be understood. Waiting for love, while we watch ‘Real Chance of Love’. Waiting for someone to wipe tears, while we wipe down our new cars. Waiting for quality time, while we work overtime. And we mean well. We want to give our children a better life, but in the process we’ve forgotten to teach them how to live.


They throw fits. They act out. Ever seen a lost child? They show out until Mama comes running. But what if Mama never comes? Daddy never comes? Auntie and Uncle won’t come? Grannie and Big Papa can’t come? What to do? Baby gotta keep trying until someone listens, until someone hears a cry. We can’t pretend not to hear our children crying any longer.


What’s the reality? Some of us don’t know how to live. We were never taught. We feel ill-equipped to face the youth that so desperately need us because we were left to learn it all on our own. So we leave them to figure it out. Work it out. Fight their way out. The stakes are higher today than ever before. We can’t let our children fight their way out any more, because they are losing. All over this country, they are fighting a losing war against one another because they don’t understand that they are on the same side. They are fighting a losing war against themselves because they haven’t learned to value themselves over material things and their souls over foolish pride. And we haven’t learned it all yet, but we have to trust the Almighty to inure us with the knowledge and the courage to guide our children. That’s the only way.


We are losing our children, but it’s not too late. If you saw a child running into a busy street, you’d do all you could to snatch them back onto the curb. This is one and the same. We teach, though we aren’t all teachers. We parent, though we aren’t all parents. If we chose to guide, we will be given divine instructions. But we have to make the choice and we have to make it now. The true legacy of our days is not in the land we own nor the money we have in the bank, but it is in our children. We cannot afford to let them lose their way.


Comments : 2 Comments »
Tags: , ,
Categories : Uncategorized

Barack Obama is NOT your husband.

16 09 2009
Bet YOU would have gotten YOUR man some new shoes. Girl, too bad this isn’t YOUR man.
It happened again. If you want to be starting something, question President Obama around a Black woman. And then duck. No, you’d probably better run.

I saw this coming. Those poster collages in your cubicles. The starry eyed expressions whenever he was on television. The sweaty palms when he was in your town. Don’t let a sister have gone to the actual venue he was at – she’s probably still on a chocolate high and showing people grainy pictures from her camera phone a whole year later. This crush has gotten out of control.

I like him too. He seems like a nice guy and I think he was the right choice. But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to agree with everything he says or does. Recently, I’ve had conversations with other women about how the President’s term has gone so far. I must admit, I’ve had some reservations about some of the things President Obama has done and hasn’t done. I thought that was allowed. I was so wrong. Expressions started to change. Brows became furrowed. Eyes started rolling. I wondered what I’d done or said that was so wrong. Then it hit me:

I was talking about their man.

Now, I know everyone was digging the promise of change and the audacity of YES WE CAN and everything else that came with the Obama campaign. But on a deeper level, Barack Obama is the man that so many Black women have been waiting for. He’s smart and well educated, seemingly down to earth, funny, attractive, a family man. Just the thing we’ve been looking for – and not finding-at the club on a Saturday night. So we took him close to our hearts. He became our man. And talking about our man is a definite no-no. Our gut reaction is blind defense.

Women in general, but black women especially, are fiercely loyal. If we love you, you’d better get used to it, cause we’re not going anywhere. And we’re always ready to defend our man, whether he’s right or wrong and whether we know all the facts or not. It’s a somewhat admirable trait, when it is your man in question. But Barack Obama is not your man. He’s the President of the United States.

The President has to stand on his own. The same measure I’d use for George Bush or Bill Clinton, I have to use for Barack Obama. Yeah, I understand he’s inherited a mess. That really sucks. Now, he has to make the decisions necessary to begin to get us out of this mess, to change how the world sees our country and to make it better for our kids. That means some tough, unpopular choices. I do question the President’s audacity when it comes to that. He’s always played it near the middle, trying to please everyone in the name of unity. I get that, I really do. But nothing happens in the middle. The middle is the status quo and that’s what we’re trying to get away from. So when the pressure is on, I need President Obama not to fold. Or be everyone’s friend. Or keep quiet. It’s not time for that.

Think about your own man for a minute, or at least the one you used to have (I’m not hating, I fall in the latter category.) Could he take you seriously if you agreed with everything he said? I mean, he might have enjoyed it for a while, but could he take it seriously? Or did he appreciate that you, respectfully, called him to the carpet if he was wrong? Not nag him or fight about it, but expect that he made the decisions that were best for your family or your relationship. If Obama was really your man, would you not question his choices sometimes? I can’t imagine he’d have much respect for a woman who didn’t. And I’m sure that his own wife, at times, does.

It’s okay to be in the President’s corner. And it’s okay, to a certain degree, to defend him against lies, misrepresentations and other bits of slander that may be flying his way. But it’s also okay to dialogue about what’s going right and what’s going wrong, because everything isn’t going right. You really don’t have to take it personally when people bring it up the sticky issues regarding Barack Obama and his presidency, because that’s Michelle Obama’s job and I’m sure she does it beautifully.


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , ,
Categories : Uncategorized

Vegan Golden Vanilla Cupcakes

13 09 2009

This recipe is adapted from the book Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World by
Isa Chandra Moskowitz and Terry Hope Romero


Yield: 12 cupcakes

1 c. soymilk (I used almond milk)
1 tsp. apple cider vinegar
1/3 c. canola oil
3/4 c. sugar
2 tsp. vanilla extract
1/4 tsp. almond extract or vanilla extract (to determine your flavor. For vanilla, add more vanilla. For almond, add almond)
1 1/4 cup flour
2 tbsp. cornstarch
3/4 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt

1. Preheat oven to 350° . Line muffin pan with paper liners. (I used a 6 cup pan to make larger cupcakes, but this recipe should make 12 regular sized cupcakes.)
2. Whisk soymilk and the vinegar together and let sit a few minutes until curdled.
3. Beat together soy milk mixture, oil, sugar, vanilla and other extract in a large bowl.
4. Sift in the flour, cornstarch, baking powder, baking soda and salt until no large lumps remain.
5. Fill cupcake liners two third of the way and bake for 20-22 minutes until done. Transfer to cooling rack and cool completely until done. (At least take them out of the pan and let them cool so they don’t continue to bake in a hot pan.)


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , ,
Categories : Uncategorized

Sacred Womb…

11 09 2009
Don’t get excited. My spare room is still an office, not a nursery.
What’s a woman?

I’m probably not alone in defining my womanhood, at least to a certain degree, by a set of organs carefully hidden inside my body. Masterfully tucked inside of me, there is a womb. A potential home for a baby. I carry a uterus and other stuff that make me, undoubtedly, a woman.

But what if those things weren’t there? Would I still be a woman? I’m watching, with interest, the case of Caster Semenya, who is (possibly) just learning that she’s missing a valuable piece of the puzzle that is womanhood – her womb. And while there are other issues surrounding this, what I immediately thought of was how that must feel. While it’s one thing for that area of your anatomy to lay dormant, it’s entirely another to consider it a vacancy. Where there should be something, there is nothing. I imagine it an emptiness far beyond the mere absence of children. What must it be like to know that even if you tried really hard, with in vitro and pills and whatever else they’ve dreamed up, you’ll never birth a child because you have no where for that child form. I’m not even sure my internal equipment is actually working, but I do know it’s there. I take it for granted, this sacred space that’s been created inside of me. Most women who choose not to have children or are unable to for some medical reason still have a place inside them where life, theoretically, could grow. What if it didn’t even exist?

I’d still be a woman, even if that defining attribute was absent. I know how I feel and I think that’s all that matters. Would a man consider me a woman knowing that our interiors were eerily similar? I’m not sure. How we define what a woman is might be one of the most interesting questions I’ve pondered in a while. Is a woman the opposite of a man? Well, what if she’s just opposite on the outside? What if she’s opposite, but doesn’t look like a woman. Not she dresses like a man or presents herself as a man, what if she genuinely looks like a man? Are you a woman if no one will treat you as one? Are you a woman if no one believes you are?

I’d never given any of this a thought until lately, but apparently it’s an issue for a lot of women. Some statistics say 1 in 5000 women are born without a womb, a condition called MRKH. There are a lot of sad conditions in the world, but this struck me as particularly sad, because even though I’ve never actually seen my womb, it’s very much a part of me. I suppose I assumed it was a part of every woman’s identity. But there are many components to building an identity. I’m convinced that what you know as your truth is more important than anything else. There are no mistakes when it comes to our Divine creation, all the mistakes come in our perceptions. A woman can be a woman, even if she’s technically not a “wombman”.


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , ,
Categories : Uncategorized

Vegetable Fried Quinoa (or Rice)

8 09 2009

*This recipe was adapted from one in the September 2009 issue of Vegetarian Times. I’m not a swagger jacker.

That’s my kitchen table!

1 carrot, chopped
1/2 green pepper, chopped
1 clove garlic, chopped
1/2 c. onion, chopped (a small onion)
1/4 c. celery, chopped (one stalk)
1 1/2 c. cooked quinoa (or brown rice)
1 tsp. Bragg’s Liquid Amino or soy sauce
Seasoning (try Badia Complete, Goya or Spike. Tony’s is probably too salty and creole)
Frozen mixed vegetables (or whatever leftovers you have around)

  1. Start your quinoa or rice. (You cook quinoa just like rice, 1 cup dry to 2 cups water. Takes about 15 minutes)
  2. Warm the olive oil in a large skillet or wok and sautee the carrots, green peppers, onion, garlic and celery, seasoning and Bragg’s (or soy sauce) for about 15 minutes, or until they start to brown.
  3. When the quinoa(or rice) is done, add it to the skillet and fry for about 5 minutes over med-low heat.
  4. Add in your frozen vegetables or leftover vegetables and continue to fry over med-low heat until the vegetables are warmed.
  5. If you have time, add a little more olive oil and let the whole thing sit for about 7 or 8 minutes. Then scrape around the pan for any browned pieces.
  6. Serve it warm!



What in the hell is quinoa?
Quinoa (kin-waa or kin-no-aah – depending on who you ask) is a frickin’ superfood and it’s really good. It’s like rice or other grains, but it’s actually a seed. The Inca called it the “Mother of Grain” and used it in ceremonies until the Spanish came, told them to cut it out and actually forbid the Inca from cultivating it. Typical conquest behavior.
Quinoa is cool because, unlike rice, it’s a complete protein. It has a balanced set of essential amino acids, including lysine – which rice is low on. It’s got lots of dietary fiber, it’s high in magnesium and iron and it’s gluten free. Partly because of the whole protein thing, quinoa is popular with vegetarians, vegans and people with migraines as the magnesium is supposed to help give them relief.
You can substitute it for rice at dinner or put some fruit with it for breakfast. It makes a tasty hot cereal. When you cook it, a little hull kind of comes off and it looks like a sprout, which gives it a creamy flavor, with a little crunch. It multiplies crazy when you cook it: 1 cup uncooked would be enough for like 4 people.
You should try it at least once. It’s a little more expensive than rice, but the health benefits are there and it doubles in the pot, so you probably get a lot more than you think.


Comments : 2 Comments »
Tags: , , ,
Categories : Uncategorized

don’t whisper – September 2007

6 09 2009

don’t whisper.

sweet nothings
mean nothing from
the tongue of no one
someone I can’t
see, hear, feel, touch, know
don’t whisper,
just yell
the truth in
a language I can understand.
we have been us so long
that I don’t know
how not to be
but if it must be,
I’ll learn.
just yell.
from where you see it
hills and long highways
away from this love
from where you see it
on the other side of
compassion
off the turnpike for
reaction
near the volatile intersection
of provocation and patience
I push
(keep pushing)
and hope you’ll
play
don’t whisper.
I can’t understand
your mumbling, nor
your jokes. I laughed
to temporarily dull
that pain and
shade the harsh
spotlight of reality:
while I am
who I am
always me,
a part of me can
only be who you made me.
just yell this
what am I supposed to do?
it feels wrong
(as I know better)
but I can’t help
the difficulty
in defining me
without you
don’t whisper.
the din of disappointed dreams is
too loud.
just yell,
so I can hear
the words you give me.
how do I begin to live?

Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: ,
Categories : Uncategorized

Cram to Understand You…

1 09 2009

Ju-Just like a test, I cram to understand you.

People aren’t always going to understand you.

We spend a lot of time trying to make people understand us, though. Dream our dreams. Think our thoughts. See our vision. Sometimes others can get an idea about where you’re going. But often they won’t get it at all. They’ll shake their heads and smile blankly. And you know they don’t get it. So you’ll try to explain again. And again. And again.

Stop it.

Don’t stop believing in your vision, but stop trying to explain it to everyone. Because everyone’s not ready for what you’re about to do. The cold, hard fact is that some people couldn’t see your gift if you wrapped it in a box and put a big, red bow on it. It’s not always because they’re trying to be difficult. They’re just not ready. You can’t make them see it right now. Some people can see it and will act like they can’t because they wish they’d thought of it. You’re just making yourself frustrated – quit trying to make everyone a disciple and just go do it.

It’s comforting for people to tell us that they understand what we’re thinking because – in our minds – it means that we must not be crazy. We get scared when other people can’t grasp what we’re trying to do. But fear can be a powerful motivator. When you’re the only one who can make your ideas come to life, you cannot afford to lose. So you don’t. You surround yourself with people who can either ‘get it’ or can live with the fact that they don’t ‘get it’, but support you anyhow. And you launch your ideas into the stratosphere.

Your dreams are your own. Maybe they’re too big for others to imagine right now, but it costs the same to dream big as it does to dream small, so you might as well get the most bang for your buck. When it’s done, when the plans are perfected, when the world can finally see your vision come to life, it will be worth no one understanding right now. You might wish people could recognize all along how important it was or what a great idea you had, but in the end all that matters is that people receive it. And if it’s your gift, your true gift, people will have to receive it. It won’t be up to them. The Divine will make sure of it.


Comments : Leave a Comment »
Tags: , , ,
Categories : Uncategorized