A lot of relationships, especially the ones that don’t seem to work, are born of images. Essentially, an image is a representation of what actually exists. That doesn’t sound like a bad thing, until you consider what people have done with images since the beginning of image making. We make things look good. Think of the statues, early artwork, paintings and drawings you’ve seen. To the best of the artist’s ability, they bring out the beauty in the subject. You don’t see hairy moles or liver splashes or things that might be a blemish, even in early art. When we create an image, we make it the best it can be – even if, at times, that means making it something it isn’t.
In relationships, often we see who we want to see, as opposed to who a person really is. Mentally and emotionally, we create the image we’d like to have by our side. Some of us have Photoshop of the mind – we make them someone entirely different. Rose colored glasses, I think they call it. And while I’m all for positive thinking, playing make believe with your heart really can waste a lot of time and energy – things most of us are running low on.
Sometimes we construct those images subconsciously. Actually, I don’t know anyone who consciously sets out to create an image, false or otherwise, of the person they’re involved with. It just happens. He opens the door for you and he’s such a gentleman. She straightens your tie and she’s so caring. It doesn’t mean that there isn’t truth to the image, there is a measure of truth in everything. But when he lets the door slam in your face the other 100 times, he might not be such a gentleman after all. When she kisses you goodbye on the day of the big presentation knowing good and well that you look like Bozo the clown, she might not care that much anymore. We don’t change our images though. We don’t retouch once we’re done. We hold on to bits and pieces to try and construct an acceptable image of who we’re with. However, if that’s not who you’re really in a relationship with, what’s the point?
If you’re grown and the person you love is grown, you need to understand something. They can scoot left a little. They can scoot right a little. They can learn and grow a whole lot. They could do a lot of things, but maybe they won’t. You know how you buy things sometimes and they’re marked ‘As Is’? That means you can’t ask for another button or the belt that’s missing or anything else. Essentially, what you see is what you get. That’s how people are – ‘As Is’. The sooner you can accept that, the better off you are. If you can’t accept who the person you’re with is and what their situations are right now today, you need to keep it moving. They might become what you want later on, but that’s a big if. You can’t make it happen and you’ll make yourself and the other person miserable trying.
