Monthly Archives: July 2009

Jul26

Computer Love

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Computer Love

“I wanna love you, Baybay!”

Sip a cognac, it’s the extended version.

I thought technology was supposed to make life easier.

Anyone who knows me knows I love my gadgets. I have three computers which I now call miss small, miss medium and miss large. I’m a smartphone carrying, facebooking, texting, tweeting, blogging, emailing cutie. But the collision of technology and romance has me a little…confused.

I guess it’s because I’m having to learn this whole new set of rules. Suddenly, picking up the phone and calling seems so monumentally intrusive, even though it worked just fine before there was something else to do. So I’m staring at a phone number that I’m too chicken to call. Because what if he answers? What do I say then? What if he doesn’t answer? How do I feel then? I hide behind text messages that may or may not make an appearance on my intended’s phone. It gives me a chance to think it out first. To me, text messages are the disposable currency of the modern relationship. You send me a few SMS sweet nothings and maybe we’re getting somewhere. Withhold and I’m sure you’re not into me. When I want to forget this whole thing happened, I delete them. Unlike love letters , a text takes no effort to dispose of. You can do it in bed or on the toilet or at a traffic light – whenever “I’m sick of this mess.” hits you. And it will hit you. I mean, how am I supposed to feel when my well thought out (during commercial breaks) 160 character missives go unanswered? I feel like he pretty much circled “no.”

Then there’s Facebook to contend with. What if he gives me action there, but he doesn’t really call? Is that serious or not? What if we were to tweet on Twitter with intensity? How do you know when you’re making progress or when you’re just treading water when it feels like you could be doing both simultaneously? Making connections in this technological space isn’t ridiculous to me. But sometimes making the leap from the virtual to the reality is more than I can take seriously.

10 years ago, I didn’t have all these questions. This stuff didn’t exist for me to get all confused about. He called or he didn’t. There weren’t all these options, these ways to know about me without really knowing me. But without all these newfangled things, the reality is that I wouldn’t even be musing about the particular someone who’s on my mind. All this technology introduced us and helped us make acquaintance, but now I’m wondering if that’s as far as it can take us. Essentially, I had the very same question for the guy in my world back before all this cool stuff came along that I have for the guy I’m thinking of now: Dude, do you like me or not? Because I kinda sorta like you.

Text ‘yes’ or ‘no’. You know the number.

Jul22

As Is – No Warranty

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As Is – No Warranty


A lot of relationships, especially the ones that don’t seem to work, are born of images. Essentially, an image is a representation of what actually exists. That doesn’t sound like a bad thing, until you consider what people have done with images since the beginning of image making. We make things look good. Think of the statues, early artwork, paintings and drawings you’ve seen. To the best of the artist’s ability, they bring out the beauty in the subject. You don’t see hairy moles or liver splashes or things that might be a blemish, even in early art. When we create an image, we make it the best it can be – even if, at times, that means making it something it isn’t.

In relationships, often we see who we want to see, as opposed to who a person really is. Mentally and emotionally, we create the image we’d like to have by our side. Some of us have Photoshop of the mind – we make them someone entirely different. Rose colored glasses, I think they call it. And while I’m all for positive thinking, playing make believe with your heart really can waste a lot of time and energy – things most of us are running low on.

Sometimes we construct those images subconsciously. Actually, I don’t know anyone who consciously sets out to create an image, false or otherwise, of the person they’re involved with. It just happens. He opens the door for you and he’s such a gentleman. She straightens your tie and she’s so caring. It doesn’t mean that there isn’t truth to the image, there is a measure of truth in everything. But when he lets the door slam in your face the other 100 times, he might not be such a gentleman after all. When she kisses you goodbye on the day of the big presentation knowing good and well that you look like Bozo the clown, she might not care that much anymore. We don’t change our images though. We don’t retouch once we’re done. We hold on to bits and pieces to try and construct an acceptable image of who we’re with. However, if that’s not who you’re really in a relationship with, what’s the point?

If you’re grown and the person you love is grown, you need to understand something. They can scoot left a little. They can scoot right a little. They can learn and grow a whole lot. They could do a lot of things, but maybe they won’t. You know how you buy things sometimes and they’re marked ‘As Is’? That means you can’t ask for another button or the belt that’s missing or anything else. Essentially, what you see is what you get. That’s how people are – ‘As Is’. The sooner you can accept that, the better off you are. If you can’t accept who the person you’re with is and what their situations are right now today, you need to keep it moving. They might become what you want later on, but that’s a big if. You can’t make it happen and you’ll make yourself and the other person miserable trying.

Jul14

Seeds

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Seeds

We call our children our seeds and I think most people get that analogy. But on another level, dealing with kids is like farming. You start with a little seed and hopefully you grow something healthy and fruitful. That’s how it’s supposed to go, right?

Some kids are like oregano. Plant oregano and you get immediate gratification. Little water, some sun and pretty soon you see some action. As a matter of fact, once herbs start growing, you can see some progress everyday. And you feel like you’re doing something. Some kids just don’t take a lot of work. They need some attention, some guidance and some love, but they’re hardwired to make it happen. That’s good too, because some kids are like potatoes. Potatoes are a whole different ballgame.

When you plant a seed potato, you’re not going to see anything for a long time. The work occurs underground, for the most part. If you want a good potato, it can’t push out and be exposed directly to the light – it can’t take all that light at once. You have to hill them, make sure they are covered in soil. And they need the sunlight and the water and some weeding. It takes a lot for potatoes and there is no instant gratification. You see leaf action, but you want potatoes. You have to wait. You just have to trust that what you’re doing is working.

Some kids are like that. They take a lot work. You love them, support them, help them, teach them, care for them. And you don’t see anything. It’s a little disheartening. You have to keep on tending to them, because the work is happening underneath. They run from you and act up because they can’t take all the light you’re trying to expose them to. You think they aren’t listening, but they are. So you give them what they need, a little at a time. Eventually, there will be results. It might take a really long time. You might not ever personally see the results, but that doesn’t mean they won’t be successful. And they’ll always remember who took the time to tend them.

Our children, our seeds, need us to help them grow. We sow the seeds and we have to take the time to tend them.

Jul10

Warrior

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Warrior

Etana – Warrior Love (not so on topic, but I love this song.)

I’m a woman. But I’m also a warrior. And if you’re smart, you’ll become a warrior too.

This life is lots of things. Ups, downs, highs and lows. We’re faced with all this…let’s call it stuff. Sometimes we step in it and sometimes we get pushed in it and sometimes we let ourselves be dragged into it, but at the end of the day we’re in it. And it stinks. You’d be surprised how many people lay down and take whatever comes their way. We complain about our condition, but don’t do anything to improve it. We complain about how people treat us, but then go right back into the same situation. We complain about our communities, but then go somewhere else to spend our money and improve life. We allow people to kill our dreams, suck the life out of our goals and drown our spirits. I’m guilty of it too at times, so I’m not judging. These are just observations.

So what, then, is the answer?

Take care of yourself. That’s not always easy, but it’s necessary. You take time for yourself, your interests, your thoughts, the things you care about. You can’t run on an empty battery. The things that are so pressing will be there. I know that sounds easy for me to say with no husband and no kids to worry about. But I know for a fact if you work yourself sick, you can’t take care of anyone else. So you have to preserve. Preserve your emotions. Stand up for your feelings and your heart. That takes courage, but courage is free. You can afford it; even in a recession.

Take care of your children. If you don’t have any children, find some. If you’re grown, you have some kids you can attend to – maybe you just haven’t found them yet. Anyway you slice it, kids are all we really have as hope. When we neglect children and their needs – emotionally, physically and intellectually – we’re selling our culture and future short. Listen to them, because they’re talking to you. Teach them how to be a better person than you are. That’s my personal goal. I guess, I turned out okay. I’m decent and smart, I think. But what I want is to help turn out someone better than myself.

Take care of your community. Find ways to stimulate growth where you live. That means spend your money there. Or find small businesses and give them a chance. Take an interest in the politics and the issues that effect the people around you. And when you get interested, take some action. Write some letters. Go visit some people and light into them, if needed (in love!). In every walk of life, there’s a way to get involved, whether it has to do with policy or procedure. If nothing else, make sure that you do the very best you can by the people around you.

I don’t think there is anything to be gained by being meek about what we need to do. If we are, we’ll insure that it won’t get done. So in a lot of ways, we do have to be warriors for the things that matter. The time for waiting around for other people to take care of us isn’t over – it never was. No religion, no belief system I’ve found admonishes one to sit on their laurels, do absolutely nothing and wait for something great to happen. (Feel free to let me know if you find something else.) Believe in the Creator and trust that your needs will be fulfilled, but use that faith to power your works – internally and externally.

Jul9

Women vs. Girls

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Women vs. Girls



Why Foxy Brown? Because she’s brown sugar and spice, but if you don’t treat her nice, she’ll put you on ice!!

I’m a woman. This came to me rather suddenly not too long ago. I’ve been a female all my life, so it wasn’t a shock that I was indeed a woman. But it’s not a forgone conclusion, you know. There are lots of fully grown girls out there. Lots of 20, 30, 40 and 50 year old girls roam the world daily.Here’s how I figured it out: I looked around.

Women do lots of things girls don’t even think about. Like know when to talk and when to be quiet. Women don’t tell all their business. They know how to hold some things back. Sometimes it’s better to keep it to yourself, even when it’s difficult. Women aren’t all about the show. Girls like everyone to know what they’re up to.
Women understand that everything isn’t always going to go their way. This is life, not Grimm Brothers. Women don’t throw temper tantrums, real or fake. But women don’t hide how they feel either. Girls like to make a scene. It’s the easy way to get noticed. Women talk it out. It’s the best way to get results.
Women aren’t interested in what a man has. Some people will disagree with me here and that’s fine. This is my opinion. Women aren’t interested in what a man has, but they are interested in who a man is. What he stands for. What he believes in. Where his heart is. Women don’t hold the past over a man and expect the past not to be held over her. We’ve all lived to see another day. A woman can take on a difficult situation in a relationship, and make it work. If he’s worth it, a woman can work it out to the benefit of all parties – kids included. A girl will expect a man to make things work for her benefit.
Women aren’t looking for handouts. Women can pay bills and take care of themselves, but know how to let themselves be taken care of. Girls sometimes fall on one end or the other – can’t take care of themselves or won’t let themselves be taken care of. I think both are tragic. Women know that sometimes you have to be superwoman, but when help arrives, it’s okay to take your cape off. Women find pride in taking care of their families and don’t find it demeaning to do so. You’d be surprised how many girls think it’s beneath them to cook and clean, as though we don’t come from a tradition of taking care of our families. Hmm…
A woman is a teacher, not necessarily by trade but because that’s what she does. That’s her nature. A woman teaches girls how to be a woman and teaches boys how to treat women. She teaches by her actions, her humility, her intelligence and her grace. She usually doesn’t have to say a word, but if she needs to say something to guide in the right direction, she will.
All females are supposed to be girls, for a while. Just like all males begin as boys. That’s the way life is intended. You go through that stage and, hopefully, move on. Men sometimes get confused about girls and women. It’s hard, we often look similar. You can’t go on looks when you’re seeking a woman. You might get hoodwinked – many men have. Some men keep getting hoodwinked over and over. When you’re dealing with a girl, don’t expect her to act like a woman. Don’t be surprised when she acts like a girl. You have to do your due diligence.
These are just my thoughts.
Jul5

(Sorta) Wish You Were Here!

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(Sorta) Wish You Were Here!
I’m still on the solo-dolo vacay. It was fun enough to do again next month, so protect your neck. I may be coming to your town next.
Of course I learned something (I told you everything is a lesson!), but I’ll share that with you on tonight’s stop/blog. For now, from Montgomery, Ala-Ala-Ala-Alabama (That’s a Jacob Miller allusion), some pictures.

Driving and taking pictures. Safe? No. But nothing fun is. It’s not time to judge me, thanks!

Spreading my wings and flying away.

Possibly, the cutest feet ever in Gulfport, MS.

Keep it clean, keep it classy!
Lots of pics from the Georgia Aquarium. I’ll put em on Flickr or something.

I watched this for a long time.

I love signage. I’m framing this and putting it by my desk.


Awesome Art at the Five Spot in Little Five Points.

Not ours, but it worked. The Japanese paperweight.

“How many more songs did she say?” said Mr. Purple Crown.

I didn’t get a picture of the bands and the speaker. I always feel like it’s weird to take people’s picture while they are doing their thing. But shout out to the ones I remember: Randall (the speaker), Peace, Theodore (they had like 15 instruments on stage and 5 dudes. It was awesome.), The Back Pockets, Circle Machine, the Belly Dancer Red Hiding Hood Lady (I can’t remember her name, but she told me she loved my dress.) and Purple Crown and Purple Crown’s Headache. (HaHa! Sorry!)